How Psychedelics First Taught Me About Authenticity
A Seed Is Planted
I often get asked why I do this work, or what first opened the door for me. The truth is, my relationship with psychedelics began long before I had the language for “integration” or the At 15 years old, I had my first encounter with psilocybin mushrooms. I didn’t know what they were, what to expect, or why it mattered. I was just a troubled teen searching for connection, escape, or at the very least, a good story.
So when a few older kids I looked up to invited me to join, I said yes with the kind of blind trust only teenagers and golden retrievers seem capable of.
The experience unfolded in ways both beautiful and shocking. I first noticed the effects mid-conversation with a boy I had a crush on. He was telling me a story I can’t remember, exaggerating and fabricating details that were supposed to be impressive. As I listened, I suddenly saw myself from above, pretending to be enthralled so that he might like me.
But the truth was, I wasn’t resonating with his story or his energy at all. In that moment, I realized I only “liked” him because everyone else did – not because I actually felt a genuine connection. It was in that moment that I asked myself what I actually wanted; did I truly like him, or was I just trying to fit into a story that wasn’t mine? And why was I trying to do that in the first place?
That’s when it hit me: we were both acting. Each of us trying to appear effortlessly cool because that’s how we thought we were supposed to be, our performances fueled by insecurity and a lack of relationship with ourselves. In that moment, I realized I had a choice; show up authentically, or keep the charade going.
I wish I could say I chose authenticity. Instead, I played along until I found an opportunity to slip away and sit beneath the trees. As I was sitting beneath the trees, I had a small window of integration, to find wholeness from the new revelation I just experienced.
The trees were breathing with me, their rhythm matching mine. The Earth itself exhaled into my body, holding me in a way I had never felt before. Over and over, I heard the words: “I got you. You are safe to be yourself.”
It’s hard to capture in language, but that moment planted a seed. A seed of connection; to nature, to other beings, to the quiet truth that we’re all just doing our best.
What That Moment Means Now
Looking back, I see that experience as an early initiation. I didn’t yet have the tools to live authentically in every moment, but I had glimpsed what was possible. That seed has continued to grow throughout my life and my work with psychedelics, guiding me back to authenticity, reminding me of the web of connection that holds us all.
This is why I believe psychedelic integration is so important. Psychedelics don’t just create extraordinary experiences, they plant seeds. Sometimes it takes years, even decades, to understand how those seeds are shaping us.
Why Integration Matters
Integration is the process of weaving insights from a psychedelic journey into everyday life. Without it, experiences may remain as isolated stories or fade into memory. With integration, even the most subtle teachings, like a teenage moment of recognizing my own authenticity, can blossom into guiding principles for how we live, connect, and heal.
An Invitation
If you’ve had a psilocybin experience or any other psychedelic journey you can’t fully make sense of, know that it may still be working in you, even if it was years ago. The insights might be subtle, unfolding slowly beneath the surface. Integration is about tending to those seeds so they can grow into lasting change in your life.
This is the heart of my work with Sadhana Integration: supporting people as they live into the teachings their journeys have offered them. If you feel called to deepen your own integration, I’d love to connect.
Questions:
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Psychedelic integration is the process of making meaning from a psychedelic experience and weaving its insights into daily life for lasting change.
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Without integration, insights may fade or feel confusing. Integration helps transform peak moments into practical wisdom that supports long-term growth.
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Yes. Many people find that early experiences plant seeds of awareness or authenticity that continue to unfold over years or decades.
